( At the very least, Urianger has the good grace to look appropriately chastened by Thancred's comment. Few know better than himself (and his fellow Scions) that he isn't really a man from which you can easily slip away β and Urianger should have known better than to think that, after all they've been through, he would simply give up the chase.
These afflictions are making quite the fool of him, or so it would seem. His shoulders remain tense for a long moment before slumping in defeat, and he brings his hands together atop the table before lacing his fingers tight. )
... Aye, I should think so.
( He replies wearily, the exhaustion of the last few days beginning to creep in around the edges of his words. )
I prithee forgive my poor behaviour of late, Thancred.
( And yet his lashes remain low, his attention fixed on the clasp of his hands before him. )
'Twas not mine intent to instigate a childish game of cat and mouse.
[ It isn't often that the two of them ever find themselves at odds quite like this. That's proof enough that they're being affected in certain ways, as if it wasn't obvious already. Thancred had been granted a glimpse of what was to come on his investigation of the thaumametor with Stephen, but they hadn't noticed any side effects to them specifically until the trip back.
By then, it had been too late. Urianger was already feeling the effects, and they haven't been able to have a proper talk since then. Thancred can't heap all of the blame on Urianger, either, as his own insecurities (forced upon him or not) had come into play as well. ]
Neither of us are quite ourselves at the moment, it seems.
[ Urianger won't even look at him. It's quite reminiscent of when he'd cover most of his face and lurk in the corner at most Scion discussions. Thancred lets out a long sigh, then reaches up to brush his hair back. ]
For example, I've been having to fend off thoughts that you want nothing to do with me and that's why you've been avoiding me at every turn. But... that isn't true, is it?
[ He knows what his own doubts sound like. This is different, which means he's better equipped to push past it. ]
( Urianger's lips thin at Thancred's words, a flush of discomfort rising into his cheeks as he continues speaking. )
Nayβ of course not.
( It's an effort, but Urianger finally looks up at his the man sitting across the table. A cold pearl of fear settles low in his stomach as an uncomfortable silence stretches between them; what if Thancred can see it? What if a single glance is enough to reveal the truth of the thing he allowed himself to become? Urianger seems to be waiting for it β he hesitates briefly, his gaze flitting all over Thancred's face for some kind of tell β before finding hismelf faced with the conclusion that whatever he can see in his reflection?
Thancred can't.
Urianger exhales a measured breath. )
It shames me deeply to know that mine actions hath stirred such thoughts within thee.
( And he seems genuinely chastened, as though he hadn't quite considered that Thancred might be anything more than a little bewildered by his absence. The fact that he's caused his friend distress β that he made him think he'd done something wrong β is more than a little upsetting to learn. )
Know that I would not remove myself from your presence unless I considered it of utmost importance.
( A beat. )
I am ... tainted, by memories of mine own making. The person I used to be: his choices, his betrayals ... I see them reflected upon mine own visage as clear as day. A reminder of how little I deserve what thou might extend to me in even the smallest gesture of friendship.
[ With the way that Urianger lifts his head, as if something had been weighing it down that he has to overpower, it's clear that his choice to looking anywhere but at him had in fact been purposeful. Their eyes lock and Thancred can see that Urianger is searching for something, but all that he does is hold his gaze. If he is expecting to find judgment or derision in Thancred's expression, it certainly isn't there. ]
It's not your fault.
[ The words spill out immediately, even as Urianger continues to explain himself. The truth is that Urianger's actions hadn't mattered so much as how Thancred's own mind had twisted them into something else.
It seems that both of them have been operating under false assumptions. As Urianger finishes speaking, Thancred lets out a dismissive scoff and shakes his head. ]
We both have been quite foolish, it seems. I hardly need tell you that I am capable of making my own decisions when it comes to who I call friend, and I have never found you wanting. [ All those difficult choices Urianger had made, all those betrayals he'd carried out, they had ultimately been out of love and care for his friends. Thancred would be the last person to judge.
After another pause, he flags down one of the servers to come and take their orders. If they're in this tavern now, they may as well have a drink. Or he will be, in any case. ]
I do have a theory for why we're under these effects, if you'll humor me.
'Twas never a question of thy judgement, Thancred, but of mine own right to thy kindness.
( But it's a relief to hear the blunt honesty in Thancred's words as he so masterfully dismisses Urianger's concerns β as though it were obvious, and should always have been obvious that his friend would never suffer someone he didn't want to. It isn't quite enough to dislodge the deep-rooted insecurities clinging on where they can, but it is enough to dissade him from arguing.
Perhaps it's just as well that Thancred chooses that moment to wave for a server. It's enough to break the spiral of Urianger's less pleasant thoughts: he blinks a little owlishly before ordering himself a cup of sweet wine, then laces his fingers together in front of himself again. )
... Yet in my cowardice I would not fan the flames of discord any further; I would remove myself from thy company, but I will not argue with thee.
( Urianger will argue points in his research, certainly, but he dislikes confrontation and personal conflict, especially when it involves the people he considers dearest to him. Perhaps that's something he needs to work on too, but he's taking the overhauling of his life-long habits one step at a time. )
Besides, I am most interested in thy theory. Thou hast conducted research of thine own in mine absence?
[ Thancred is relieved that Urianger has chosen to order something, as he suspects that the alcohol might take the edge off of some of their effects. He hopes, at least — there is always a chance it will make them worse, but that's a risk he's willing to take. For his part, he orders a pint of ale and then watches as the server heads off toward the bar.
They could go back and forth on how worthy they each are of the other's friendship, but Thancred imagines all that will happen is them going on and on in circles for little reason. Nor are either of them in the right state of mind about this at the moment.
For that reason, he decides to focus on the facts of their situation. Which is perhaps a cowardly move, but he's going with it for now.
At Urianger's question, a smirk curls his lips as he nods. ] Of a sort. I suppose you could call it field research. As you know, Stephen and I went to investigate the disturbance reported by the thaumametor. As it turned out, there was something amiss, as an undead rat burst forth from the earth.
[ That was only the beginning, of course, as Urianger has no doubt seen and heard of the dead rising, the animals dying of illness, and the spoiled food stores. ]
It's almost as if the very aether of the land has been distorted, wouldn't you say?
[ Not quite like what happened to the Empty. The aether hasn't been sucked dry, but tainted in some way. ]
( And that is an interesting theory, to be sure. The discomfort melts away from Urianger's expression as he engages the academic part of his brain over the motional one, setting his feelings aside with ease for the sake of pursuing this thread of knowledge. The fact that the undead rat appeared at the site of the disturbance lends weight to Thancred's idea: a taint plaguing the very earth, or perhaps tainting the magics that move through the earth, corrupting all with which it would come into contact. )
Aye ...
( Soft, thoughtful. But he's heard this before, hasn't he? )
Dost thou recall Himeka's trouble in Coerthas? A man-made corruption β the life's work of a young Xaela woman and her suffering ...
( His brow furrows. t had been difficult to see the bigger picture, lost as he's been in with his own demons, but it seems Thancred has somehow managed to nudge him back into familiar territory mby mere virtue of a simple conversation. )
Thou art of the opinion that Abraxas is under attack?
( The server returns and sets their drinks down before them. Urianger barely notices; he sits with a hand curled in front of his mouth as he tries to puzzle out what the implications of such a theory would mean, and just how much more "field work" they might need to do in order to get a definitive answer. To jump straight to the conclusion that the corruption is the result of an intentional effort would be baseless at the moment, it's true, but Urianger isn't willing to rule anything out just yet. )
I shall alter the course of mine own studies to further explore thy theory. 'Tis the very least I can do, as recompense for my inaction and absence.
[ It's no surprise that bringing this conversation to the facts of their situation rather than the emotions tied up in it is going to do a world of good for Urianger right now. That's certainly part of the reason that Thancred brought this up, but he also genuinely wants to get to the bottom of what's going on here.
Especially if there's a chance it might get worse.
At that question, Thancred thinks back. Himeka's tracking of the Xaela woman as she tainted the land's aether had taken place while he was either adrift in the Lifestream or expelled in the Dravanian Forelands, left to survive in the wilds. While he'd heard some of it after the fact, he suspects that Urianger had peppered her with far more questions than he did. ] I have a vague recollection, yes, though I would hardly refuse a refresher.
[ The drinks arrive then and he's quick to pick up his pint and takes a long swig from it, letting out a relieved exhale afterward. ]
I can't say for certain. [ Here, he leans in and lowers his voice. ] We know Himeka and her friends in Solvunn made a sacrifice to try and earn the attention of the old gods. [ Could they be considered responsible for this, or is there something deeper going on? It's difficult to say.
He rolls his eyes at Urianger's self-deprecating statement. ] Oh, come off it. You've only been gone a few days.
( Where Thancred takes a long pull of his ale Urianger's sip is more delicate β thoughtful, even β savoring the sweet flavour almost absently as he considers the implication of his friend's words. )
I confess, Himeka's foray into such magicks had quite slipped my mind.
( And it's a troubling reminder indeed. From what he gathered the sacrifice wasn't recent β but who knows how long it takes to rouse an old god into action? Had Himeka and her companions truly understood what it was they were attempting to do, or did they approach it with reckless abandon?
These are questions for the Warrior herself, not Thancred. Urianger can't deny that he has his suspicions. )
Thou hast not made mention of this to Himeka, I trust? 'Twould be wise to gather more evidence before bringing this to her β if 'tis not a conclusion at which she hath already arrived herself.
( But there's real concern creeping in around his edges β concern which will undoubtedly worm its way into his heart if left unchecked. Himeka has plenty of freinds in Solvunn, it's true, but Urianger cares for her as a sister, and he can't abide the idea of danger shadowing his dear friend while he puzzles over it from malms away. )
... Mayhap we should speak with her all the same.
( But there's a problem with that right now, isn't there. )
[ While Thancred can understand Urianger's concern about approaching Himeka regarding all of this, he doesn't believe that he can simply ignore it either. She's been trying to make contact with the old gods for some time now, and has escalated her methods accordingly. Of course, there are rumors of many other sacrifices being conducted in secret in Solvunn, so it's not as if this would all fall to her, Wanda, and Nero.
Even Urianger seems to renege on this as he gives it more thought. Thancred shakes his head at the question. ]
I haven't made an attempt to enter since the discovery made with Stephen, or that ominous dream that followed. It's unclear if the Horizon will grant us a reprieve from our traitorous senses or if it will only make things worse.
[ He sighs, rotating his pint along the wooden table as he weighs the pros and cons. ]
Ultimately, though, I do think it's important to check in with Himeka, so I may make an attempt before long. What do you plan to do?
[ There's plenty to concern themselves with in the waking world, after all, with the dead rising and food stores depleting. Urianger may have come to Nott to avoid him and the other Summoned, but he may have had another reason as well. ]
'Twas mine intent to make myself useful here. Castle Thorne boasts defenses lacking in Nott, and the people here hath already endured many hardships following the attacks.
( The fact that it put some distance between himself and the other Summoned? Well. Even Urianger can't claim it to have been pure coincidence, but he really had wanted to help. Sequestering himself among the bookshelves would be to undo the work he's done on himself since Moenbryda's death; he wants to take action, wants to support his friends and help those in need as actively as he can. )
If there is aught I might do to assist them, I would.
( He takes another sip of mead. )
To that end, I shall remain here in Nott.
( A beat. )
But I would ask thee to keep me abreast of the situation should thy attempt to reach Himeka prove fruitful.
[ Urianger's admittance doesn't surprise Thancred in the slightest. Long gone are the days when he would stay behind in the Waking Sands to perform research while the rest of them went out into the field. Even then he had supported the Scions, but he had hardly been living up to his full potential. It's been a pleasure to see the shift, to watch him shrug off that terrible cloak and step into the world anew.
Interesting, that he'd only truly managed that when all the way on the First. Now all of them, Urianger and Thancred and Himeka, are almost old hands when it comes to weathering time spent on another star. ]
I'd had a similar thought, and will likely stay here at least a day or so before braving the Horizon.
[ The entreaty to keep Urianger in the loop is met with a quick nod as Thancred continues to nurse his drink. ]
Naturally. All of your self-imposed concerns aside, there's little reason to keep things from each other here. [ Thancred hasn't once suspected that maybe Urianger is harboring some other secret. And, even if that were the case, he'd know it was for good reason. He's happy to make that clear to him yet again. He holds his pint up then, for a casual toast. ] As soon as you return from here, I'll be ready with a full report. How does that sound?
( It sounds good. In fact, everything about their meeting feels good in a way that highlights what a fool this place has made of him: Urianger doubted himself, doubted Thancred, allowed one moment of weakness to dictate his actions that led to his withdrawal. It would be more than pointless to waste any more time in feeling embarrassment over it all β far better to acknowledge it, learn from it, and move past it as best he can.
He lifts his own cup to join the toast and taps it against Thancred's, his smile a small, private thing that warms the space between them. )
Aye, that suits me well.
( Urianger takes another sip of his drink to complete the ritual of the toast, then places his cup down again before folding his hands together atop the table. )
Shouldst thou require assistance of any manner, I prithee, do not hesitate to call for aid.
( They may be living through curious times but this much, at least, is certain: Urianger would never deny Thancred his help. )
I would offer succor to Nott, but thy safety is ever my priority.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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( At the very least, Urianger has the good grace to look appropriately chastened by Thancred's comment. Few know better than himself (and his fellow Scions) that he isn't really a man from which you can easily slip away β and Urianger should have known better than to think that, after all they've been through, he would simply give up the chase.
These afflictions are making quite the fool of him, or so it would seem. His shoulders remain tense for a long moment before slumping in defeat, and he brings his hands together atop the table before lacing his fingers tight. )
... Aye, I should think so.
( He replies wearily, the exhaustion of the last few days beginning to creep in around the edges of his words. )
I prithee forgive my poor behaviour of late, Thancred.
( And yet his lashes remain low, his attention fixed on the clasp of his hands before him. )
'Twas not mine intent to instigate a childish game of cat and mouse.
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By then, it had been too late. Urianger was already feeling the effects, and they haven't been able to have a proper talk since then. Thancred can't heap all of the blame on Urianger, either, as his own insecurities (forced upon him or not) had come into play as well. ]
Neither of us are quite ourselves at the moment, it seems.
[ Urianger won't even look at him. It's quite reminiscent of when he'd cover most of his face and lurk in the corner at most Scion discussions. Thancred lets out a long sigh, then reaches up to brush his hair back. ]
For example, I've been having to fend off thoughts that you want nothing to do with me and that's why you've been avoiding me at every turn. But... that isn't true, is it?
[ He knows what his own doubts sound like. This is different, which means he's better equipped to push past it. ]
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( Urianger's lips thin at Thancred's words, a flush of discomfort rising into his cheeks as he continues speaking. )
Nayβ of course not.
( It's an effort, but Urianger finally looks up at his the man sitting across the table. A cold pearl of fear settles low in his stomach as an uncomfortable silence stretches between them; what if Thancred can see it? What if a single glance is enough to reveal the truth of the thing he allowed himself to become? Urianger seems to be waiting for it β he hesitates briefly, his gaze flitting all over Thancred's face for some kind of tell β before finding hismelf faced with the conclusion that whatever he can see in his reflection?
Thancred can't.
Urianger exhales a measured breath. )
It shames me deeply to know that mine actions hath stirred such thoughts within thee.
( And he seems genuinely chastened, as though he hadn't quite considered that Thancred might be anything more than a little bewildered by his absence. The fact that he's caused his friend distress β that he made him think he'd done something wrong β is more than a little upsetting to learn. )
Know that I would not remove myself from your presence unless I considered it of utmost importance.
( A beat. )
I am ... tainted, by memories of mine own making. The person I used to be: his choices, his betrayals ... I see them reflected upon mine own visage as clear as day. A reminder of how little I deserve what thou might extend to me in even the smallest gesture of friendship.
( He turns his face away once more. )
I had thought to spare thee from it.
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It's not your fault.
[ The words spill out immediately, even as Urianger continues to explain himself. The truth is that Urianger's actions hadn't mattered so much as how Thancred's own mind had twisted them into something else.
It seems that both of them have been operating under false assumptions. As Urianger finishes speaking, Thancred lets out a dismissive scoff and shakes his head. ]
We both have been quite foolish, it seems. I hardly need tell you that I am capable of making my own decisions when it comes to who I call friend, and I have never found you wanting. [ All those difficult choices Urianger had made, all those betrayals he'd carried out, they had ultimately been out of love and care for his friends. Thancred would be the last person to judge.
After another pause, he flags down one of the servers to come and take their orders. If they're in this tavern now, they may as well have a drink. Or he will be, in any case. ]
I do have a theory for why we're under these effects, if you'll humor me.
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'Twas never a question of thy judgement, Thancred, but of mine own right to thy kindness.
( But it's a relief to hear the blunt honesty in Thancred's words as he so masterfully dismisses Urianger's concerns β as though it were obvious, and should always have been obvious that his friend would never suffer someone he didn't want to. It isn't quite enough to dislodge the deep-rooted insecurities clinging on where they can, but it is enough to dissade him from arguing.
Perhaps it's just as well that Thancred chooses that moment to wave for a server. It's enough to break the spiral of Urianger's less pleasant thoughts: he blinks a little owlishly before ordering himself a cup of sweet wine, then laces his fingers together in front of himself again. )
... Yet in my cowardice I would not fan the flames of discord any further; I would remove myself from thy company, but I will not argue with thee.
( Urianger will argue points in his research, certainly, but he dislikes confrontation and personal conflict, especially when it involves the people he considers dearest to him. Perhaps that's something he needs to work on too, but he's taking the overhauling of his life-long habits one step at a time. )
Besides, I am most interested in thy theory. Thou hast conducted research of thine own in mine absence?
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They could go back and forth on how worthy they each are of the other's friendship, but Thancred imagines all that will happen is them going on and on in circles for little reason. Nor are either of them in the right state of mind about this at the moment.
For that reason, he decides to focus on the facts of their situation. Which is perhaps a cowardly move, but he's going with it for now.
At Urianger's question, a smirk curls his lips as he nods. ] Of a sort. I suppose you could call it field research. As you know, Stephen and I went to investigate the disturbance reported by the thaumametor. As it turned out, there was something amiss, as an undead rat burst forth from the earth.
[ That was only the beginning, of course, as Urianger has no doubt seen and heard of the dead rising, the animals dying of illness, and the spoiled food stores. ]
It's almost as if the very aether of the land has been distorted, wouldn't you say?
[ Not quite like what happened to the Empty. The aether hasn't been sucked dry, but tainted in some way. ]
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( And that is an interesting theory, to be sure. The discomfort melts away from Urianger's expression as he engages the academic part of his brain over the motional one, setting his feelings aside with ease for the sake of pursuing this thread of knowledge. The fact that the undead rat appeared at the site of the disturbance lends weight to Thancred's idea: a taint plaguing the very earth, or perhaps tainting the magics that move through the earth, corrupting all with which it would come into contact. )
Aye ...
( Soft, thoughtful. But he's heard this before, hasn't he? )
Dost thou recall Himeka's trouble in Coerthas? A man-made corruption β the life's work of a young Xaela woman and her suffering ...
( His brow furrows. t had been difficult to see the bigger picture, lost as he's been in with his own demons, but it seems Thancred has somehow managed to nudge him back into familiar territory mby mere virtue of a simple conversation. )
Thou art of the opinion that Abraxas is under attack?
( The server returns and sets their drinks down before them. Urianger barely notices; he sits with a hand curled in front of his mouth as he tries to puzzle out what the implications of such a theory would mean, and just how much more "field work" they might need to do in order to get a definitive answer. To jump straight to the conclusion that the corruption is the result of an intentional effort would be baseless at the moment, it's true, but Urianger isn't willing to rule anything out just yet. )
I shall alter the course of mine own studies to further explore thy theory. 'Tis the very least I can do, as recompense for my inaction and absence.
no subject
Especially if there's a chance it might get worse.
At that question, Thancred thinks back. Himeka's tracking of the Xaela woman as she tainted the land's aether had taken place while he was either adrift in the Lifestream or expelled in the Dravanian Forelands, left to survive in the wilds. While he'd heard some of it after the fact, he suspects that Urianger had peppered her with far more questions than he did. ] I have a vague recollection, yes, though I would hardly refuse a refresher.
[ The drinks arrive then and he's quick to pick up his pint and takes a long swig from it, letting out a relieved exhale afterward. ]
I can't say for certain. [ Here, he leans in and lowers his voice. ] We know Himeka and her friends in Solvunn made a sacrifice to try and earn the attention of the old gods. [ Could they be considered responsible for this, or is there something deeper going on? It's difficult to say.
He rolls his eyes at Urianger's self-deprecating statement. ] Oh, come off it. You've only been gone a few days.
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( Where Thancred takes a long pull of his ale Urianger's sip is more delicate β thoughtful, even β savoring the sweet flavour almost absently as he considers the implication of his friend's words. )
I confess, Himeka's foray into such magicks had quite slipped my mind.
( And it's a troubling reminder indeed. From what he gathered the sacrifice wasn't recent β but who knows how long it takes to rouse an old god into action? Had Himeka and her companions truly understood what it was they were attempting to do, or did they approach it with reckless abandon?
These are questions for the Warrior herself, not Thancred. Urianger can't deny that he has his suspicions. )
Thou hast not made mention of this to Himeka, I trust? 'Twould be wise to gather more evidence before bringing this to her β if 'tis not a conclusion at which she hath already arrived herself.
( But there's real concern creeping in around his edges β concern which will undoubtedly worm its way into his heart if left unchecked. Himeka has plenty of freinds in Solvunn, it's true, but Urianger cares for her as a sister, and he can't abide the idea of danger shadowing his dear friend while he puzzles over it from malms away. )
... Mayhap we should speak with her all the same.
( But there's a problem with that right now, isn't there. )
How fares thy Horizon?
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Even Urianger seems to renege on this as he gives it more thought. Thancred shakes his head at the question. ]
I haven't made an attempt to enter since the discovery made with Stephen, or that ominous dream that followed. It's unclear if the Horizon will grant us a reprieve from our traitorous senses or if it will only make things worse.
[ He sighs, rotating his pint along the wooden table as he weighs the pros and cons. ]
Ultimately, though, I do think it's important to check in with Himeka, so I may make an attempt before long. What do you plan to do?
[ There's plenty to concern themselves with in the waking world, after all, with the dead rising and food stores depleting. Urianger may have come to Nott to avoid him and the other Summoned, but he may have had another reason as well. ]
no subject
( Urianger offers a stiff nod. )
'Twas mine intent to make myself useful here. Castle Thorne boasts defenses lacking in Nott, and the people here hath already endured many hardships following the attacks.
( The fact that it put some distance between himself and the other Summoned? Well. Even Urianger can't claim it to have been pure coincidence, but he really had wanted to help. Sequestering himself among the bookshelves would be to undo the work he's done on himself since Moenbryda's death; he wants to take action, wants to support his friends and help those in need as actively as he can. )
If there is aught I might do to assist them, I would.
( He takes another sip of mead. )
To that end, I shall remain here in Nott.
( A beat. )
But I would ask thee to keep me abreast of the situation should thy attempt to reach Himeka prove fruitful.
no subject
Interesting, that he'd only truly managed that when all the way on the First. Now all of them, Urianger and Thancred and Himeka, are almost old hands when it comes to weathering time spent on another star. ]
I'd had a similar thought, and will likely stay here at least a day or so before braving the Horizon.
[ The entreaty to keep Urianger in the loop is met with a quick nod as Thancred continues to nurse his drink. ]
Naturally. All of your self-imposed concerns aside, there's little reason to keep things from each other here. [ Thancred hasn't once suspected that maybe Urianger is harboring some other secret. And, even if that were the case, he'd know it was for good reason. He's happy to make that clear to him yet again. He holds his pint up then, for a casual toast. ] As soon as you return from here, I'll be ready with a full report. How does that sound?
no subject
( It sounds good. In fact, everything about their meeting feels good in a way that highlights what a fool this place has made of him: Urianger doubted himself, doubted Thancred, allowed one moment of weakness to dictate his actions that led to his withdrawal. It would be more than pointless to waste any more time in feeling embarrassment over it all β far better to acknowledge it, learn from it, and move past it as best he can.
He lifts his own cup to join the toast and taps it against Thancred's, his smile a small, private thing that warms the space between them. )
Aye, that suits me well.
( Urianger takes another sip of his drink to complete the ritual of the toast, then places his cup down again before folding his hands together atop the table. )
Shouldst thou require assistance of any manner, I prithee, do not hesitate to call for aid.
( They may be living through curious times but this much, at least, is certain: Urianger would never deny Thancred his help. )
I would offer succor to Nott, but thy safety is ever my priority.